Question: How would you forgive a friend for emotionally blasting out at you and accusing you of something you never did/said? And when confronting her, she denies it and says that it’s only joking. But the truth is, her tone was very harsh and it did not seem like she was joking at all.
Answer: It seems you are questioning, instead, if your friend is worthy of your forgiveness. But before addressing this question, let’s first seek to understand the situation. Let your friend know that you took her comments seriously and wish to clarify any misunderstandings. If she shows unwillingness to talk and listen to your point of view, then it’s a strong indicator that she does not value your friendship. If that’s the case, forgiveness isn’t at stake, it’s companionship. It sounds petty to weigh friendship over some remarks. But if you can’t trust her with the little things, how would you know you can count on her when it really matters?
Question: How do you know if you like a person romantically or just as a friend?
Answer: If you’re pondering this question, then chances are you’ve developed romantic feelings. Indeed, the line between friendship and love is hard to draw. In fact, what I’m willing to do for my boyfriend, I’m willing to do the same for my best friend. The main difference is that the latter friendship lacks physical intimacy. I do not believe members of the opposite sex can sustain a platonic relationship (unless you’re siblings).
Perhaps the true question here is how do you escape the friendship zone once you fall in love. Go on a date. Dress up a little. Once you look and act slightly differently, you will be viewed in a different light. Towards the end of the date, brush your hand slightly against his/hers and see how your friend responds. If you sense chemistry, then romantic feelings are mutual. If you sense hesitancy or awkwardness, then you’ve progressed along the love continuum alone. Your friend may or may never join you on this path. And that would be okay. Because the both of you have a strong root in friendship, the respect you have toward one another would be enough. You may grow apart one day when one (or both) of you have a significant other. But realize that if this day comes, it is all just a part of life and growing up
I wish you the best of luck! :)
Question: hi..i’m new here..well actually i’m new to everything everyone on america.i’m living with my younger sis and my big family, but not with my parents..my dad sends us money everywhere but u know money from vietnam is nothing to life in america…that money, my uncle keeps it to take care of us..it’s $500 per month ..i dont really know how he and his wife spend it, it seems that my aunt-in-law, his wife keeps it…but both me and my sis feel that $500 is too enough , we can even have some extra from it, but me and my sis only have $5 each week /person, we have lunch at school, right now i’m goin to college so i have lunch with what’s leftover last dinner..we sleep in the living room..so u know, we have no privacy, our clothes are kept in my other auntie’s room…we’ve been here for more than 1 year and that life ’s lasting for more than1 year..like a tolerance..I used to feel stressed out so much that i wanna disappear…i dont know what my uncle and his wife are doing! to our dad’s money…but i dont know if that money is enough for us for 1 month either…beside that $5 dollars, we only get presents on Xmas, we pay our clothes ourselves..now i’m working part time so it’s getting less hard..but everytime i think of my dad’s money, i feel scared and upset…i dont know the people living with us are good or not….my uncle seems better than his wife, he always says he doesnt want his nieces to bear what he had to bear first time coming to usa, his aunt-in-law didnt treat him well and his uncle just ignored…but sometimes my uncle is just like his wife, of course he loves his wife than his niece…i got really confused, i call her wicked witch…that witch seemed nice to me during my first months but now i’m just losing trust in both of them….i try to think in a positive way, i try to think of their good and ignore their bads…i tell myself who’s bad will get retribution…but my sis telling me our money is not being used right…and th! e fact is i dont know if it is…thinking of their goods and ignore th eir bads seems to be a good way to live…helps me concerntrate on my study and work ..at first…but i wonder is that life…it seems not right to me sometimes…like…living with dreams and fantasy, cos in dreams everything is beautiful and reality is more painful…living that way cannot last long….and then i have another problem, i’m having an obsession with alec su..well..ok, that’s like people joining this site are having this obsession…but i’m really thankful for what he’s helped me..when i feel bad, u know, almost because of this house…i think of him, listen to his music and search news on him, reading everyone’s praise for him pleasures me, i try to encourage myself to study and overcome hardship like he ’s done…but more and more i’m telling myself..just forget everything and think of him,…just do anything that involves him…i feel like i cant give him up …i see no one perfect like him…or his characters…en qi, for instance,…i dont feel that i nee! d a boyfriend …so alec…and my friends in vietnam( they are my best friends)…having them and i dont wanna make friends here, especially to english speaking friends, it’s hard to speak first, then hard to make them understand me, not only my accent but also my thoughts…it’s ..the cultural and personal thing…i’m already different from other friends in vietnam, i enjoy being alone and can only talk to those who understand..i’m not that active like almost americans…and so..i’m sorry i’m writing too much..it’s actually too much i’m having…but the family thing is the biggest pressure on me…most of the time i want to move to somewhere i dont know everyone so that i can focus on study until i graduate…i’m not going mad or lose control..i know that…but i cant assure myself that i’m not gonna become indifferent, apathetic, cold, have no feeling…or else..someone who lives with her fantasy
Answer: Let’s tackle your problems, one at a time. :)
Firstly, if your uncle and aunt-in-law gives you and your sister only $10 per week (combined), that sums up to $40 per month. What do they do with the other $460? Foods. Rent. Electricity. Not logical reasons, however. Let’s make an assumption that the two of you rent a room from someone (no, not just the living room’s couch, but an entire room). It’ll cost around $300 per month. Electricity… about $20. Foods? Roughly $250. [Of course, these values vary from state to state.] Hence each month, your sister and you will spend approximately $570. But you are living with them; with or without you, they will pay the same rent for their property. Thus, the $300 is taken out of the equation, and is, therefore, the extra budget they keep from you each month. Any angle we look at it, they are not treating you with the love expected from a relative, nor with justice expected from mankind. I wish not to think that they are bad or greedy people, however. Perhaps they are blinded of what you and your sister need, or maybe they have wrongly assumed that they’re nice already by letting you stay with them. In any case, I doubt it would help if you discuss this matter with them; it will only make you be ungrateful in their eyes and even lead to unnecessary misunderstandings/havoc. What you can do, however, is to take control of your situation. You are in college. You have a job. You can take responsibilities. Write to your father! Let him know the situation, and have him send the money directly to you. If you are afraid that your uncle or aunt will simply get their hands on the envelope before you, get a private PO box. If living with them creates more stresses in your life, consider moving out. Financially, you may not be well off. But it is certainly not impossible. There’s money from your father and your salary. Furthermore, you should be able to obtain financial aids, non? You’ve lived here for more than a year and is now considered a resident? If, for any reasons, you do not qualify for financial aids, look toward other options and keep your eyes open. For example, there are many scholarships available out there. And many of them do not require much, i.e.: essays and recommendations would do. Let me know if I can help you in any way. I’m willing to help you hunt for scholarships, edit your essays, etc.
As for being “obsessed” with Alec… it is healthy so long as he continues to inspire and encourage you! You can see him as an idol, to calm your furies, to spread a smile upon your face. But don’t let him be the blockage towards encountering other friends. I completely understand the language and cultural barriers you are experiencing. I was once in your shoes. But, do not generalize. Not all Americans are “apple pies”. Likewise, not all Asians share our values. And more importantly, do not force yourself to make acquaintances or to socialize often, if you are not comfortable doing so. There is nothing wrong in having few, but great friends. I confess, I only have two very close friends. And both live across the borders. Yet, I am not lonely. In contradiction, I am actually very content. It is not about how many friends you have, but the extent in which your friends can understand you. Likewise, how “indifferent, apathetic, and cold” you are cannot be measured simply by counting the number of friends you have. I will tell you frankly and directly that none of the above three adjectives describe you. You do care. That is why your current living situation bothers you. That is why you struggle to comprehend the good nature of your relatives. That is why you come to love Alec Su and your friends. That is why you have written to me. :)
Question: i lied that my mom died to make a guy who keeps making mama jokes to shut up. Now the whole school knows and i actually shed a tear. So what shall I do now?
Answer: I am a little confused with your message. The whole school knows… Does that mean the school knows you’ve lied about your mother’s death, or does that mean the school thinks your mother passed away? Either way, your only solution is to speak the truth. Tell your friends why you’ve felt the need to lie; tell the one who has made those jokes why you have taken the situation seriously. It is better to have the school be mad at you for awhile for coming up with the lie, then to mislead the school.
Question: I could really do with another opinion on this matter…
I met this guy at a Christmas party last year. I wasn’t actually invited to this private party, it was more my parents idea to go to try and get me to socialise more. I arrived early with my parents to help set the party up. This guy was there and being the only people there, we started talking. I was 15 and he 18. A few people started arriving and he started talking to his friends (which I anticipated, so I kind of backed off). I didn’t know anyone and I felt really out of place, but at the same time didn’t want to impose on anyones conversation. So throughout the night I was left sitting there randomly trying to look occupied. This guy approached me several more times with jokes and little *funny* comments to try and get me to laugh, which I appreciated greatly, seeing no one was giving a second glance at me. Anyway that was that. Later on I managed to get his email add, and we started talking on msn. School life got busy and exam season started so we both stopped using msn . A couple of weeks ago I got a text message from him just asking how I was and blah blah blah. I find this really flattering and yet a little unnerving. Normally I would like to take this as a sign that he might be interested in me or sees me as a potentual friend. He knows I’m 15, and to be honest, if I were in a party with my friends, i wouldn’t care less about someone who was 3 years younger than me, let alone talk to her on msn or text her. I would really really really like to think that he liked me, however, the last time I checked he had a girlfriend who hes been dating for 2 years. I don’t know whether he is still dating her or not. My biggest concern is whether I should text back to show I’m interested (or even just develop a closer relationship) or just to back since, considering he’ll be leaving for university in a couple of months. Since he is going, I don’t see the point in developing a relationship, friends or more, as I’m bound to really get disappointed when he leaves. However, if he really is interested I don’t want to leave this chance and I guess I might make a really good friend. I really am at a loss to what I should do. I know for a fact that if I text back I’m going to start building these ridiculous fanatasies and expectations. Do you think I should just bite the bullet for now and ignore him as I’ve only met him once and will probably never see him again, or I could risk it and go for a relationship (friends or more) knowing he will be leaving. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Lol….guess I’m just extremely flattered to be noticed by this 18 year old guy and my heads swelling so much I don’t know what to do anymore…. :) o well…can you guys help me out?
Answer: Undisclosed, It seems you’re trying too hard to figure out whether or not he likes you, or has a good impression of you. I suggest that you should make that your second priority. Before you make any decision, ask yourself whether or not *you* like him. If all it is is flattery, then you should not develop a relationship that might end up hurting the both of you. If it’s more than just a normal attraction, you should text message him back and get to know him better. If you do see a future with him, do not hesitate. True relationships stand the test of time and distance. If you both care for one another, it doesn’t matter how many miles you are separated by. Go with your gut feelings!
Question: Do you believe in love?
Answer: Of course! If it wasn’t for love, how did my parents get married? If it wasn’t for love, how did my siblings and I are given birth? If it wasn’t for love, how did I survive until this day?
Love, despite its vagueness and mysteries, remains essential. Love for family, friends, self, and ideas becomes our inner energy for existence. And the love we harbor for our life partner demonstrates our will to fuse our formed identity with that of another, and together, we maintain generativity.
Love… we cannot not believe in something that maintains life!
Question: OKIE NHI HERE IT IS! LOL it’s just gonna be a lot of blabbing and some of it you’ll probably wonder why i’m even telling you but yeah every detail is important! lol…so yes i like this guy (he’s white) in my english class…he sits right next to me…but what was kinda weird was i used to sit the row next to him but one seat behind him but the girl in font of me wanted to switch with me so she can talk to her friend who sat next to me lol so i switched with her cause i didn’t really care (and i’ll be closer to my friend so i can actually talk to her cause she sits next row from me onli a few desks up) and yeah now i sit next to him…and i really want to become friends with this guy for some reason lol (not because he’s cute LOL no that would be shallow…no there’s something about him)…umm yeah i remember this guy from my grade 10 science class…he sat in front of me in that class! LOL i dunno i find that weird yet again…yeah i think he just came in gr 10 to my school cause i have the gr 9 yearbook and he wasn’t in it =/ lol…anyways yeah i noticed him a lot because i usually go home for lunch and i always see him ahead of me….turns out he lives same street as me! lol onli his house is closer to the school so i always see him walk to his house lol (SO NO i’m NOT a stalker lol)…yeah since we live same street lol i see him usually walking home after school too…and mornings but rarely cause i’m usually late for school =/ lol and i also see him in the halls a lot cause i have to pass by his locker in order to get to some of my classes lol…i dunno if he even knoes i exist and i dunno if i’m paranoid but sometimes i see him looking at me lol…okie i probably sound crazy and obsessive or something =/…oh he’s good friends with one of my friend too…one incident last week…i walked past by his locker (about to head home for lunch) and i see my friend there at his locker (she told me to take my money back — the money i owed her so i shook my head and walked off and i know he was watching cause my friend was right next to him)…and then after lunch i see that she came over to his house for lunch along with someone else too i think…yeah i think i’m paranoid lol…and the question is — how can i become friends with him lol because i’m a REALLY quiet person in real life =/ so it’s a lot harder for me than normal people…thanks nhi! hope i didn’t bore you to death…and no i’m not crazy :D for real lol…ah yeah i forgot to mention lmao he’s harder to talk to the other white guys cause he always seems to have this unhappy kinda pissed off tired look on his face (but hey most of the time i have that look on my face too) lol so yes even harder to start a convo i think….anyways THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AGAIN! you guys can reply when you want — no hurry thanks a lot once again miss nhi ^^
love,
sweet_azn_tears
Answer: Hmm… a love problem? Before I continue, I must reveal the fact that I have never had a crush. At all. Yen can verify this. -lol- So I’m probably not the best person to “advice” you due to my lack of experience. :)
What intrigues me most is how fated you are with him. Yes, fated. You guys live on the same street, attend the same school, and you were even asked to switch seats, which happened to be right next to him. That’s fate, isn’t it? *winks* But what baffled me is your detail of a friend (along with others) went to his house. Was I expected to read between the lines there?
Friendship. It is meant for two, not one. So there’s no shortcut but to actually get to know the guy. And I dare say you’ll have lots of opportunities, especially when teachers love to assign group projects. ;) And since your friend is a friend of his, do ask your friend more about who he is like, as a friend. Is he what you’ve envisioned him to be? O’Keefe once wrote, “Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are often sweeter.” Don’t allow fanciful thoughts to enter your mind until you know him well. :) And remember, a friendship blooms if that relationship was fated. :) Believe. Be natural. Be yourself around him.
Question: Well, it’s not really a problem it’s more like a question. I’m a member of a sportclub and I go there 3 times a week together with a friend of mine and my sister. We also join classes like Tae Bo, Body Shape/Pump, Aerobics, Tai Chi etc… and there is this guy, he is the teacher and he is really, really cute. And he’s giving me the idea that he likes me too, although I’m not sure about that.
He’s always very happy yet a bit shy when he sees me and when in class he’s always looking at me and he’s not looking at the way I do some excersises but in my face, in my eyes that’s the most strangest thing! so we do have some eye contact, a few often.
Like I said, I do like him but well I just don’t know what he thinks of me and well he’s still my teacher, I think he’s in the 20’s I’m 18. And well he doesn’t know my name, I do know his though.
Well, I don’t really know what I should do or to react around the guy. Do you guys have some advice?
thanks!
Answer: To sum it up, you are experiencing physical attractions toward your teacher, in which may be reciprocated. This, however, is void of true feelings and emotions, that is until you get to know him better. It is natural to have a short conversation with your teacher so do not be shy. Getting to know him will result in two possible consequences: 1) you realize he’s not what you’ve imagined him to be and your relationship with him remained platonic or 2) you realize your ideations might come true and continue exchanging words, finding out each other’s similarities and points of interest. Whichever the consequence results in, it is important to remember that being yourself is key.
Question: Hey guys… I’m hardly in a good mood these days so I’ll try my best to tell this clearly.. Well, I have a best friend (just call her Amber *not real name*). Me and her used to be always having fun together and we never fought about anything. She also used to kinda look up to me because I’m comfortable around guys but she’s not. Just about a month or two ago, she found out that a guy liked her. Unfortunately, she began picking up speed after she heard that and became a total slut. It’s like I don’t even know her anymore… I was pretty annoyed by her sluttiness but I decided not to tell her about it. Suddenly she started flirting with all my guy friends and also my crush and ex-crush and every other guy I ever told her that I thought was cute. I feel so angry and disappointed at the same time… I feel that my best friend has turned into a slut and I’m just pushed behind… Help me!
Answer: The only permanent idea in life is change. Your friend may be on an identity search, figuring out her own image. This change within her is most likely temporary. If she (her former self) is really who you think she is, she will realize how unlike herself she has become, and will trace back her footsteps. But if she decides that she defines herself better with this new image, in which you cannot accept or approve, then it appears you guys have led separate paths in life. However, do not come to conclusions. It is best to tell her what you think about who she is becoming, and about the direction your friendship is heading.
Question: i know this guy that i used to date. but then we broke up. we did get back again, but we broke it off 2 weeks after because something went wrong. well now, i’m stuck in a situation that i don’t know how to get out of. it seems like he’s playing around with me. i don’t know what he wants me to do. he said he would give me his answer in 2 months. well 2 months are up and he still doesn’t have an answer. what should i do?? should i tell him that we will never be together and to find someone else? or to get back with him?
Answer: Before entering a relationship, one must already discover self-identity for without establishing our own identity, we cannot fuse it with that of another. And a relationship is exactly that – the fusion and compromising between two identities. Yet, it seems your (ex)boyfriend doesn’t truly know himself for he doesn’t know what he wants in a relationship. Furthermore, a relationship demands respect and honesty, of which he has failed to supply you with. He broke his promise, indicating not only his carelessness towards his own character but also the relationship. In my personal opinion, I will not go back to him when it is clear he does not know which direction to take in life, and especially when I’ve already given a second chance to the relationship.
